Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
