I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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