I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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