just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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