True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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