you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize