my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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