dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
