I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
