I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
