She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
