I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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