Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
