Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
