Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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