you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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