my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
