I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
