its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
