I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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