8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
