Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
