he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
