i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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