dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
