Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
