4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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