i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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