I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
