I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Is it because I queefed?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just found a bag of teeth...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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