I'm drive I can fine osifer
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
