there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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