Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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