i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
