can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
