Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize