he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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