You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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