What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
