How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
