all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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