walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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