OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
