ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
