I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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