who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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