I'm jealous of your bromance
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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