i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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