how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
