Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
