she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
