Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
