Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
