I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
