thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
