I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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