I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
