So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
