i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize