id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Why did my mother make you get naked?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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