3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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