Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
